an excerpt from the current "about" page of this website...
i built this website and paid for the domain when i really needed a job. i have a job now, and one i'm very happy with, so i decided that if i'm going to pay for my own corner of the internet, it should probably feel a little more authentically me...here's to never feeling like my portfolio is something that has to be clean and polished and BORING ever again.
man, it felt so good to be so comfortably employed for the foreseeable future that i was free to invest in my art for art's sake. i had just enough financial security that it made sense to throw a little bit of money on a personal website for the sole purpose of hosting my work. and i was able to make it as weird as i want! because i was employed! i no longer needed to prove to anyone that i was normal enough to be hired!!
man, it felt SO good, but like all things stable and comforting in this life of mine, it was not meant to last. ten days ago, i was fired from the job of my dreams. it came unexpectedly, in the midst of a professional peak that had given me unprecedented comfort and optimism in the workplace. my managers had no complaints about me. my clients were beginning to form a loyalty to me. i was learning to take constructive criticism and grow from it. i was investing everything not only into my own career and my own projects, but into our niche industry as a whole. i loved what i did. i still love it. not being able to do it has left a hole in my heart.
ultimately, it is my fault i lost my job. i recognize that, and i know that i must be facing these consequences for a reason. i also recognize that i am heartbroken, and that there is a particular kind of grief that comes from being fired by a group of strangers in california while my managers planned for my future with the company. i don't want to have to go back to pretending to be normal for the sake of getting a job. i was finally happy in my career because i had begun finding success without censoring who i am. so i cannot start using this site as some sanitized version of my portfolio and my story. not now. not after the three years i spent earning my place in the film and television industry. i earned that place for ME. a strange and experimental disabled artist whose work is rooted in transparency and vulnerability. i cannot hide what happened. i cannot lie and say that i was not fired from my dream job. and i cannot tell my story or showcase my work on this site without facing that fact.
now that i AM on the job market, i am going to make use of this online real estate to post more active updates regarding my art, my work, and all the things i can offer a potential employer! hence the genesis of the Blog era of my website.
some might suggest that i not begin a new blog on my personal site with the hopes of enticing future employers with a post about getting fired, but where else can i begin? i was extremely successful at what i did, and i was very happy doing it. i also made a mistake, and i lost the job of my dreams. all i can do now is try to be better, right? surely facing that truth while also flexing my lil writing muscles cannot hurt me in that endeavor.
thanks for listening!
xoxo ab
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